


Like a BOGO Deal

by Hikaru Yuy (SailorVFan10)



Series: Operation: Parenting [11]
Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Baby Names, Giving Birth, Heero is adorable as a dad, Heero speaks Russian because why not, Hospitals, Multi, Oops gave birth in the car, choosing baby names is hard guys, language porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 00:26:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19284337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorVFan10/pseuds/Hikaru%20Yuy
Summary: Relena is due to give birth to her third child with Heero in a week, which means she could give birth at any moment. On a particularly dreary day in New York, Heero decides to work remotely, which proves to be a good idea when Relena's body decides it's "go time". Though the two make it to the hospital, Heero and Relena find out that babies wait for no one...and that there's a bit of a surprise.





	Like a BOGO Deal

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently I started this fic 1 May...and then kind of forgot about it. Then I got inspiration to work on some fics, so I decided what better way to use this inspiration than to finish something already in progress?

_2 May AC 203_

Heero sipped from his mug of coffee as he sat on the front steps of his house. It was another dreary looking day, and Heero was starting to wonder if the skies would ever clear up and let the sun peek through for more than five minutes. The roof of the porch had an overhang that covered the first part of the steps, keeping him somewhat dry. He shivered as a cold breeze tried to knock him over, but Heero resisted as he enjoyed the serenity that was Land's End Drive. Situated right off of a main road, one would think that the road was busy and quite noisy. There were certain times of the day where there were the rumblings of cars, most notably around noon when big rig trucks roared by on their way to Pennsylvania with a bunch of manufactured housing, and when the school buses did their rounds picking up and dropping off children who lived too far from their schools to walk, but outside of that, there wasn't much traffic.

Today was a "work from home" kind of day, Heero had decided when he brewed his first pot of coffee. His boss, Abendschoen, who insisted everyone call him "Captain", even his superiors, hated when Heero opted to work remotely, but Heero didn't care. Relena was a week out from her due date, and would his boss prefer he have to immediately leave work to meet his wife at the hospital, or work from home? Despite his superior's constant degrading of his job position, that he was just "another coding monkey" and thus expendable, when shit hit the fan, Abendschoen's fingers couldn't dial his extension fast enough. Like when he forgot his email password. Or rather, when he had lost the post-it on which his email password was written on (which Heero scolded him for, for losing the post-it and writing it down on one in the first place; in addition Heero lectured him on how "fuckingpassword" was not very secure, and demonstrated this by taking about 30 seconds to crack it with his most basic brute force password generator program).

Heero wasn't still salty about it. Not at all.

"Good morning!" It was his neighbour living at number 17, a woman who couldn't have been younger than middle aged at best, watering the plants lining her front porch. He didn't know what her name was, and didn't care much to, if he was honest. Heero held his mugup in acknowledgment before finishing up his morning coffee.

"That wife of yours, pretty little thing."

_Oh god, is she gonna start small talk now?_ Heero looked into his empty mug. _I need more coffee for this._

"We were watching the kids go on the bus, and I said to her, 'You must be due any day now!' and she nodded and said that she was. I asked if she needed help with anything, but she said she didn't, she has a very attentive husband catering to her every need." She grinned. "I remember when I was young..."

Heero went back in the house as his neighbour launched into a story about her wasted youth. Relena was in the living room, her feet propped up on the couch, watching the news as her fingers made tiny little stitches on a piece of cloth.

"You talk to the neighbours about me?" It wasn't an accusation--if anything Heero was amused. Relena turned her head towards him.

"Of course I do," she said, her fingers continuing their work. "When I hear about how useless some of their husbands are, I feel bad for them."

Heero went to the kitchen to pour himself another mug of coffee.

"They don't help out around the house, don't do much with the kids, and they don't help with errands. Suriya says her husband would rather she bleed all over her clothes than make an emergency run to the store to buy her tampons." He heard her sigh as he came back to sit on his oversized and overstuffed recliner.

"They didn't learn the saying, 'Happy wife, happy life', I'm guessing."

Relena giggled. "I don't think they did."

Heero took a large gulp of coffee.

"So have we finally decided on a name?" he asked. Unlike the first two children, this third one's name was proving difficult. Heero hated all of Relena's choices so far, and as for his own, well... Heero didn't know many boys' names. Relena had picked out Millie's name--named for her brother Milliardo and the mother she didn't remember at all, Katrina; he chose Rori's--Aurora for the aurora borealis, and Rose from one of Relena's favourite fairy tales, Sleeping Beauty. Their son's name was elusive still, and time was almost up, having maybe a week at most if Relena delivered on time.

"I do," she said. "I took one of your suggestions, and one of my suggestions, and put them together."

Heero frowned. "Don't tell me you did some kind of name smush."

Relena laughed. "Absolutely not. One of your suggestions is the first name, and one of mine is the middle name. I figured this would be the easiest way."

"And what did you decide on?"

She held up her embroidery piece, showcasing the name written with little flourishes in fabric pencil. "Aiden James. We could call him AJ for short, if we wanted to, and if he decides he doesn't like Aiden, he can just use James."

Heero rested his coffee mug on the arm of his chair, expression unreadable but for the most part, neutral. "I wasn't expecting that one."

Relena shifted on the couch. "Which one?"

"Aiden." The name that he had thrown away when he was six years old.

"Are you not okay with it? We can always change it--"

Heero shook his head. "It's fine, Relena. If I didn't want to name our kid that, I wouldn't have suggested it."

She smiled. "I'm glad--" She paused, pressing a hand to her baby bump.

"Relena?" He moved the mug from the arm of the chair to the end table as he motioned to leave his seat. She held up her hand and shook her head. "It's not time yet." But when she doubled over clutching her baby bump again, Heero immediately left his chair and went upstairs to their bedroom, where their hospital go-bags were located. He shouldered both of them and practically skipped the steps entirely.

"Heero--"

"I think it's time, and I think your body is saying it's time."

Relena nodded. "I think...I think my water just broke."

He offered his hand and helped her off the couch, her needlepoint forgotten as he led her out the front door to the front of the house, where the sleek black Yukon awaited them.

"What about Millie and Rori? There won't be anyone here when they get home, and they don't have a key," Relena said in between contractions. Heero was already thumbing in a phone number as the woman who lived in House 17 peered out from under her sun hat, watering can in hand. He opened the front passenger door and gently escorted his wife to her seat, making sure she was buckled in as the phone kept ringing and ringing.

"Godverdomme, Maxwell, het is nu niet het moment om je telefoon niet te beantwoorden," Heero said, cursing Duo for not answering his phone, before cursing in Japanese for good measure. Duo's car was still in the driveway, so either he also picked today to work from home, or he hadn't left yet. Heero didn't have time for this, as he hung up and tapped redial. Two rings was all it took this time.

"Goooood mor--"

"Duo. Relena's in labour." Heero was talking so fast he wasn't sure Duo would even understand him, as he hurried over to the driver side. "Can you--"

"Bring the kids over to our place and make sure the cats are fed?" Duo finished, clearly understanding perfectly what he wanted to say. "Of course, babe. Let us know how it goes, yeah?"

"I owe you one," Heero said, before hanging up, turning the car on, and speeding off. The hospital wasn't that far away, but with how close Relena's contractions were coming now, Heero wasn't sure they would make it in time, and he wasn't sure how sanitary or safe it would be for her to give birth in his front seat.

* * *

Heero knew better than to park in the ambulance bay. There were signs all over stating to not park your car there, and that if you did, you were liable to getting it towed, at your expense, or else having an ambulance smash into it. At this point in time, Heero Yuy had zero fucks to give about where he parked, because not only was his wife in labour, the baby's head was out, Relena was panicking, and Heero hadn't had this kind of adrenaline rush since he was a field agent.

"Heero, what do I do?!" Relena unbuckled her seatbelt after the third attempt, as Heero tried to flag down someone, anyone. She made to exit the car, but Heero gripped her shoulder.

"Ugoku na."

Easier said than done to just stay put, Heero knew, but he didn't want the baby's head to get jostled and cause injury, nor did he want his wife to possibly crumple to the ground and give birth on all fours on the asphalt like their hunter-gatherer ancestors. There was an EMT walking by with some kind of medical bag, a look of annoyance on his face.

"Sir, you're going to have to move your car--"

"My wife is having a baby  _right now_."

The EMT gestured to the front doors. "Then bring her over there and then move--"

"You're not understanding me," Heero said, his voice a touch higher than usual. "My wife is literally _having the baby right now_."

The EMT's face went from annoyance to shock. "The head's crowning?"

"It's already out!" Relena said. "And the rest of the baby _wants to also come out_ , and don't you tell me not to push because we're already beyond the point of no return!"

The EMT ran off to get what Heero presumed would be a stretcher or gurney.

"All those contractions I thought were false alarms..."

Heero smoothed her hair out of her face. "Don't worry about it." He stared off in the distance where the EMT ran. "But if he doesn't come back, I'm carrying you into the hospital myself after I deliver our son."

Thankfully the EMT came running back with a gurney and a nurse in deep maroon scrubs. As soon as they lifted Relena onto the gurney, Relena let out a scream that everyone in Port Jervis likely heard, which was followed by a shrill cry coming from underneath Relena's skirt. The EMT, nurse, and Heero looked at each other.

"Well, uh, congratulations!" the EMT said with a nervous chuckle. Heero lifted Relena's skirt and sure enough, there was a crying, squirming newborn. Heero couldn't help himself as he watched the infant wriggle around. His shoulders shook, and a noise that sounded like suppressed chuckling escaped his throat as he wiped at his eyes with the heel of his palm.

"Heero...?"

He cleared his throat. "I'm fine--really." He reached for her hand. "Just wait until you see him, Relena." He couldn't help but grin. "He's perfect."

As they wheeled her through the front doors and on towards Labour and Delivery, Relena motioned for them to stop just before the elevator.

"I have to push again."

"That's normal," the nurse reassured, pushing her into the elevator. "You'll need to deliver the placenta and--"

"I know what that feels like," Relena said. "This doesn't feel like that at all."

Heero blinked. "What do you mean?"

She didn't answer him as she bore down once more, the EMT frantically pressing the button for Labour and Delivery's floor as if that would make the elevator move faster.

"You can't be serious," Heero said, as she squeezed his hand hard. The nurse pulled on a pair of gloves and lifted Relena's skirt to reveal another head crowning. She looked up at Heero and Relena, her face saying it all.

"Is there a problem?"

"There's a head crowning," said the nurse.

"Excuse me?!" Relena said between pushes. "What do you mean by that?!"

"You're having another baby." Heero's brain was unable to process what he was seeing at that moment. Another baby? But all of the ultrasounds, all of the sonogram pictures, all of the tests came back saying there one one baby. One fetus. One placenta. One--

And yet, in the nurse's arms, was another baby.

"Congratulations, you have another baby boy!"

Relena gasped. "I knew it. Remember, Heero? I told that sonogram tech that there had to be another one in there, but she reassured me there was only one? I wasn't losing my mind due to pregnancy hormones like she said!"

Heero made a noise acknowledging that she said something, but he wasn't very focused on the here and now.

_She just gave birth to twins. Twins. How did the doctors miss something like two babies occupying one space?_

The elevator dinged as the doors opened. Heero braced himself against the wall of the elevator.

"Sir?" It was the EMT. "Are you alright?"

Heero slid down the shiny metal interior before he started laughing, then crying, all the while saying "oh my god" in as many languages as he knew how to, hands covering his eyes.

"He'll be okay," Relena said. "He just needs to process everything."

Heero was still trying to figure out how the doctors missed the second baby.

* * *

Heero drummed his fingers on the plastic, barely comfortable chair set at an angle so he could see Relena's bed as well as all entrance and exit points. The front desk gave Heero grief over the private room because insurance would only cover "about fifty percent, maybe eighty percent if you throw a big enough fit with them" and demanded his payment information, but Heero didn't care. He wanted his wife in a private room so he could be there with her, visiting hours be damned, and not have to deal with people asking if she was _the_ Relena Darlian, and how they loved her as Queen of the World...

A nurse, the same one from before, in fact, came in holding two bundles. The nice part about this hospital was that you could have the babies stay in the room with you...if you had a private room, of course. One baby, fast asleep, was given to Heero, whereas the one who was quite fussy was given to Relena.

"I think he needs to be fed," the nurse said. "When the other one wakes, you can feed him as well, but for now we'll let sleeping baby lie." She smiled. "If you need anything, press the Call button, okay?"

Relena nodded as she sat up and undid the top part of her hospital gown to let her son feed. She looked exhausted, but quite content. Her phone vibrated against the thin hospital blanket, but she ignored it. Heero couldn't blame her for not being up for socialising.

"Since the one in blue was born first," Heero said, nosing his newborn son's hair. His firstborn son. "I think we'll call him Aiden James, since he's the one we planned for."

Relena nodded.

"What to do about the stowaway..."

Relena cooed as the Little Stowaway, as they had nicknamed him, gripped her finger.

"We have a bit of time before we have to fill out the paperwork for the birth certificates," she said. "I'm sure we'll think of something... Or we can go through the names we thought of for Aiden and see if maybe we like them now."

Heero's feelings on those names hadn't changed any. He didn't want to grace his sons with the names of _any_ men in his life, good or bad. (As much as he loved Duo, it would be awkward as hell to grace his kid with the name of his Partner in All Things.)

"We could name him after you."

Heero shook his head. "There have already been two people named 'Heero Yuy'. One was assassinated, the other ended up saving the world. God knows what kind of future he'd end up with, with a name like that."

Relena frowned. "I don't think there's anything wrong with naming our son after you."

"We did with Aiden." He didn't mean for that to come out. Sure, Relena knew that 'Heero Yuy' wasn't his real name, Doctor J had told her that himself. But the only people who knew his real name, his birth name, were long dead. If Heero was honest, that little boy might as well have been dead as well.

Relena turned away, focusing on the little bundle held against her chest. "I'm sorry, I didn't--"

"You don't have to apologise. Hopefully he'll put the name to better use than I did."

Aiden let out a sneeze. Heero didn't even know newborns  _could_ sneeze, but it didn't disturb his sleep at all, and Heero had to admit, he  _was_ cuter beyond words.

The stowaway was done feeding, and Relena burped him.

"What about a good, strong name, like Oliver?"

"After your great-great-uncle or something?"

"Befitting a Peacecraft," Relena said, cradling her son in her arms now. "'From an olive tree' is the meaning of the name, and connotations with olive trees are all peace oriented."

Heero frowned. "When I think 'strong' I don't think about olive trees."

"What do you think of then?"

Heero shrugged. "Odin. Thor's father."

She cocked her head to the side. "We could always go for some kind of theme. My friend Bethany went in a number name pattern. Her firstborns are girls she named Nona and Decima..."

Heero's eye twitched at the name that sounded too close to 'Dekim' for his comfort.

Relena came up with more suggestions, such as "Quintin", "Octavio", "Primo", and a tidbit about how "Cheddar is rising on the name charts for some reason," which Heero just shook his head at because who would name their child after a type of cheese?

This was going to take a while.

* * *

"Most of these things are Latin based," Relena mused, as she scrolled through list after list. "But why limit it to Latinate names?"

It was midafternoon by this point, judging from how much sun was streaming through the curtains in as many short bursts as the passing clouds would allow, which wasn't very often. The only person he'd had any contact with since the surprise delivery was Duo, and his text responses consisted of a bunch of emojis and demands for pictures, which of course Heero sent. He let Relena contact Zechs, figuring he would be more excited to hear from his sister than his brother-in-law. Aiden was sleeping in the bassinet the hospital conveniently provided, which had their name and the ID number that was on all three of their wristbands, plus the fact that he was a breastfed baby. It also had details such as his weight and height and sex. Heero couldn't help but look over every few minutes just to admire that he and Relena created this sweet, innocent bundle of unbridled joy.  _He_ couldn't believe that he even had a part in the process, but he could see bits and pieces of himself in his son's face.

_Unfortunate._ It worked out for Millie and Rori, who grew into their father's features, softened thanks to their mother's genes. There was no guarantee that would happen with his sons. And while Millie was looking forward to being a big sister again, Rori was less than thrilled at the prospect, not to mention that she wanted a baby sister. He sighed, looking at his hands. Did these hands even deserve to hold such an innocent, fragile thing, stained by so much blood as they were? Sure, he fought hard for peace so that the future didn't have to worry, that his children didn't have to live in fear. But the result was his hands being permanently tinged with reddish brown, even if they couldn't see it.

"Heero?"

Heero folded his arms, looked over to his wife with her hair pulled back into a messy bun, her hospital gown rumpled and all too big for her frame, and in that moment he couldn't help but love her even more for giving him everything he had ever wanted and craved. A normal life. A family. Four beautiful, healthy children who loved and adored him no matter what he did.

"Mm?"

Her brows were knit with concern. "I wanted to know what you thought of the name Alistair Primus."

"It sounds like the name of a wizard from one of our daughters' Saturday morning cartoons."

She sighed before crossing it off her list. "I thought so..."

They still weren't any closer to having a name for Aiden's brother.

"Maybe we're going about this all wrong," she said. "Perhaps we could incorporate something from our backgrounds into the names." She chewed on the cap of her pen--really, Heero's pen that he let her borrow.

Heero cocked an eyebrow.

"Our heritage." She leaned back against the overstuffed hospital pillows. "For example, I'm Scandinavian, from a rather lofty background."

"Mm, being a princess  _does_ sound like a lofty position."

"I think Mother said that there was a bit of French aristocratic blood or something in there." Her eyes lit up. "Maybe we should do one of those DNA tests where they show you where you're from."

"I don't really know much about my anything," Heero said. "I never knew my biological father. I don't remember much about my mother, and my stepfather was an asshole and had nothing to do with me regardless."

"You don't know anything about your father? Your mother?  _Nothing_?"

He knew that his mother was dead, his father probably was as well by now. Squinting a little as if looking into a mirror to the past, he tried to bring up some kind of detail about his mother, but only managed long brown hair and the fact that she was really good at origami. Oh, she also wore the colour blue a lot, befitting her name. As for his father, he only knew what his mother told him, which was very little, as she wanted nothing to do with the man, which always made Heero question why she had a kid with someone she hated in the first place.

"My mother was part Japanese," Heero said at last. "I don't remember much about her. My father was tall, with dark hair. She always said he was some kind of Slavic, possibly Russian, and that he had the most startling blue eyes she'd ever seen." He let out a small chuckle. "She brought that up a lot, since apparently I was blessed with some of his features, especially his eyes. Beyond that I don't know." He shrugged. "I wasn't raised by him so it doesn't matter."

"But surely someone had to raise you," Relena said, her tone delicate.

"I had a mentor," Heero said. "We went around as father and son so we didn't stick out. His line of work wasn't exactly 'honest', but most of the time it let us eat at least." Heero never told Relena who his mentor was. It wasn't important--Odin Lowe was dead anyway, and did Relena really need to know that he was the protégé of the man who assassinated the original Heero Yuy? How would she even react to that?

"According to Nameberry, some of the most popular boy names in Japan are literally just their birth order followed by a suffix." She hummed in thought. "What if we did something like that with our extra bundle of joy?"

 

"Name him Nichiro or something?" Heero shook his head. "That doesn't sound great at all."

"I didn't say it had to be in Japanese," Relena said with a grin. "Pick a language. I'll start with Danish."

Heero blinked in surprise. "I didn't know you spoke Danish."

She gave a little shrug. "My father insisted. I suppose it makes sense since he was once a senator in Sanc, and Sanc was right next to Denmark. Lang historie kort, jeg kan tale dansk flydende for det meste." She looked to Heero.

"I believe we've found a new weapon for you to use on me," Heero said with a smirk.

Relena gave him a look of mock shock before scribbling some suggestions on her notepad. "What are your thoughts on 'En'?"

"Like 'ein'?"

Relena nodded. "Thoughts?"

"Sounds more like 'Ann'," Heero said. "So...not really a masculine sounding name."

 

Relena crossed that one off the list.

"It took us almost nine whole months to agree on Aiden's name," Heero reminded her. "At the rate we're going, he's going to have a blank certificate for nine months until we can find something."

"Pick a language you know then."

Heero chuckled. "Vy prosto khotite otgovorit' menya govorit' po-russki."

"That 'excuse' worked, didn't it?" Relena didn't even pretend to be coy about it.

"Togda ... Kak naschet 'odin' v kachestve imeni?" Heero asked, wondering if the Russian word for 'one' was suitable. He motioned for the notepad and pen so he could write the 'name' in Cyrillic before handing it to her. "Dou da ka."

Relena traced each letter that spelled out один, more because Heero's writing was pretty good compared to most who wrote that alphabet. "But how would that be in Roman lettering?"

"Spelled like Odin and pronounced with a short a sound." 

Aiden took that moment to let out a rather loud cry.

"I don't know if he likes any of our suggestions for his little brother," Relena said. "Or was that Odin who cried?" She paused, and Heero gave her a look.

"I guess that settles it," Heero said, taking Aiden from his bassinet and handing him over to her.

"It only took us a few hours." Again, Relena pulled down the front of her gown and let Aiden feed. "Although we still need a middle name."

"Luke." It was close enough to the name of his former mentor but not so much that it would give his son unnecessary baggage when his last name was baggage enough.

"Aiden James and Odin Luke Yuy," Relena murmured, stroking Aiden's cheek. "Welcome to the world."

"They definitely made quite the entrance," Heero said.

"I'm sorry about the seat upholstery."

"Relena... You gave me two beautiful, healthy babies. I couldn't care less about what the inside of my car looks like." He leaned over and kissed her.

"I didn't even mean to give you more than one," she murmured. "It was a two for one, I suppose."

"Like a BOGO deal," Heero said, as he settled back in his seat.

"They have your eyes," Relena said.

Heero picked Odin up so he could examine his face closer. The infant's eyes darted about the room from this new vantage point before smiling at and reaching for Heero's face. Heero felt his heart increase by at least three sizes at that. Sure enough, dark blue eyes focused on him for a split second before looking towards the window.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, before kissing him on the forehead. "Maybe you'll luck out and end up looking like your mother."

Relena playfully swatted at him. "According to the tabloids, I married the sexiest man in the Earth Sphere."

Heero chuckled. "And according to Twitter, I married the most beautiful woman in the Earth Sphere," Heero answered, before cuddling Odin against his chest, cheek against the soft fuzz that counted as hair.

"And how does that make you feel?" Relena asked. "Especially since I doubt I look so beautiful right now."

"Relena..." Heero sat at the edge of her bed, took her hand, and laced their fingers together. "Right now I'm the luckiest man in the universe to have two beautiful sons and one extremely gorgeous woman."


End file.
